Ethan Powell passed away on Saturday. He was 16 months old and had fought off leukemia for 424 days.
I typed this a day ago in response to my friend's post as she pondered Ethan's death. I don't claim to know all the answers, but I do claim these as my thoughts...
I understand...a little.
Prayer is our way to talk to God. To tell Him what we think, what we need, what we want, what we're thankful for...basically, whatever we want to talk to Him about. He likes to talk with us. He wants to hear from us. He uses it to build our faith, encourage us, remind us, love us, listen to us. I know He hears me...that He listens. And just like any parent, He wants to help us, comfort us, be there for us. And I believe He CAN DO whatever He wants...but He does what we need and what's best for us and what's part of His plan that we can not see or EVER really get or understand. And really, as much as "no", or "not right now", or "never" or "maybe" or "yes, but this way" or even flat out "YES" HURTS...I want what HE WANTS for me because I trust Him enough to know that no matter WHAT I THINK, it'll NEVER BE as good as He is. (Did all that make any sense???)
I've had some yucky stuff happen in my life and sometimes I can look and realize why- sometimes I can't...YET. Or maybe I never will. But I know that I prayed through EVERY SINGLE BIT of it, and God got the glory. That's what it's really all about...Him, not me.
AND SO- LOOK at how many people gave God the glory through Ethan! LOOK at the hearts who turned to the living God and BeLIeVeD!!! And do you know the day Ethan died, the count went over 5 million prayer warriors?
I keep thinking too WHY WHY WHY, 424 days??? WHY so many health battles were WON, why not this one? WHY was Ethan here for so long? Maybe we'll never know this side of heaven...maybe we're not meant to know.
And yes, we need to look at heavenly healing as an answer to prayer...I feel like it's God's way of saying that nothing here on earth will help anymore...and that He's the Great Physician that can take away ALL pain. We are so human, we have a hard time accepting that. He understands, but He knows what's best, even when it doesn't seem that way. I prayed diligently for earthly healing for Ethan, but it wasn't meant to be.
I've already felt a difference in my life from Ethan. I pray more specifically. I get on my knees. I also am starting to recognize that it's not worth sweating the small stuff...and it's all small stuff! And that our God is REALLY awesome. He loves us SOOOO much. He's hurting for Ben and Becky, too, I know He is...
Sorry for the long post. I've been thinking too, and I miss Ethan already...
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4 comments:
Well, Honey, we have prayed 'together' for a very long time for Ethan and discussed the different kinds of healing as well.
By going to Ben and Becky's journal on a regular basis, I've begun to see life in a different way, too. Like you, I've agonized over how to pray for this child and his family. And, like you, I'm grieving along with the Powells, as well as rejoicing at Ethan's going home (as Ben keeps saying). How very blessed we Christians are to know that God is in complete control and we really have no need to fret or fear what will happen. He knows it all long before we are even born! That's pretty awesome.
I honestly believe that all this probably came about to bring the half million people to Ehan's website for the reason of conversion. I would guess that many of these people never had a serious prayer life before this little baby's ordeal. Like your recent book added to Shelfari: Don't Sweat the Small Stuff (or any stuff) because God's in charge of All Stuff.
MOM2
Thanks, Ann. I appreciate your words, and your wisdom. His life and death have brought many questions to mind, but I feel like that is what growth is all about. Its what makes my parents' faith mine, and how I can really stretch my thinking muscles. It works so much better when there are godly people around me to bounce off of and ponder with. :)
Ann, I totally agree. While there is legitimate pain in getting the answers from God that burst our desires and expectations, we can grow so much from those kinds of answers. I believe that the power of prayer (from OUR side, at least--obviously it all ultimately comes from God) is in our FAITH. Not only should we have faith that God will and does answer us (which should inspire us to be bold about asking for what we really want), we should have faith that God really IS in control and that HE KNOWS WHAT HE IS DOING. God is perfect. We are not. However, I think we get a little closer to perfection when we can let go of what control we think we have and be resigned to fall, unfettered, into His hands.
Still, like we have said, someone who has just received the answer that they didn't want can't be expected to leap for joy just because they're supposed to know that God is in control. Grief is real and it doesn't mean that our faith is any less.
Thanks for the long post. You shouldn't have to apologize for that. It's all good stuff to think about...
Yes, I agree- giving Him the glory did not and DOES not always happen right away...we have to work through our grief first, I believe. There are people who can, but most of us (HUMAN) have to find our way through the fog first before we can see what lies in front of us.
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